Why Are People Going “No Contact” with Their Parents?

Plus: a history of sex and sexuality; Kamala Harris seeks the center on CNN; and Steven Spielberg’s comedy of the Second World War. View in browser | Update your preferences Friday, August 30, 2024 In today’s newsletter, Rebecca Mead introduces her review of a new book on sex and sexuality in America. But, first, are more people cutting off communication with their parents? Plus: • Kamala Harris goes to the center on CNN • Is A.I. really making students less trustworthy? • Steven Spielberg’s comedy of the Second World War Why So Many People Are Going “No Contact” with Their Parents A growing movement wants to destigmatize severing ties. Is it a much-needed corrective, or a worrisome change in family relations? Illustration by Wesley Allsbrook “Family estrangement—the process by which family members become strangers to one another, like intimacy reversed—is still somewhat taboo. But, in some circles, that’s changing,”Anna Russell writes in a new piece on the emerging “no contact” movement. Support groups and online forums have been created to help people who want to get out of unhealthy family dynamics. There are many reasons that individuals choose to go low or no contact, especially with their parents. Some cite physical or sexual abuse, but others point to something more ambiguous, such as general toxicity or even differences in opinion. Supporters of the movement—particularly those online—are often fervent in validating any rationale for someone deciding to cut ties. Still, Russell speaks to many people, children and parents alike, who share stories about the challenges that come after separation. “When you have estrangement, you know, the person’s still alive,” one woman said during an online support group. “So it kind of has this itchy feeling to it.” Read the story Support The New Yorker’s award-winning journalism. Subscribe today » From the News Desk The Lede Kamala Harris’s Political Calculus Takes Shape in First Major Interview The Vice-President and her advisers clearly believe that being accused of flip-flopping is a lesser threat to her campaign than being cast as too radical. By John Cassidy Q. & A. The Inner Lives of the Nazis A new history asks what can be gained from trying to understand the personalities of Hitler and his followers. By Isaac Chotiner The New Yorker Radio Hour: Ian Frazier goes on a tour of the Bronx, which he believes is New York’s greatest borough. Listen and follow » Writer’s Notebook Rebecca Mead Staff writer Illustration by Laura Peretti “Fierce Desires,” a history of sex and sexuality in America from the seventeenth century until today, is a scholarly work—the author, Rebecca L. Davis, is a professor at the University of Delaware—but while reading it to review for this week’s issue I was often struck by how potently novelistic the stories that Davis uncovers are. She offers a series of biographical portraits, not exactly of representative individuals but of individuals whose lives shed light on the practices and prejudices of the past. The first of these is among the most striking: a maidservant named Thomasine Hall who, it turns out, had at another point in life enlisted as a soldier named Thomas Hall. Hall’s history is preserved in two scant pages of court documents—but a fascinating life story is indicated, as provocative as that of the gender-switching aristocrat at the center of Virginia Woolf’s “Orlando,” three hundred years later. Through the example of Hall, Davis suggests that gender categories were less firm in the past than today’s cultural nostalgics insist, and that the stories the past holds are limitlessly suggestive. Read “The Forgotten History of Sex in America” If you know someone who would enjoy this newsletter, please share it. Was this newsletter forwarded to you? Sign up. Jay Caspian Kang Does A.I. Really Encourage Cheating in Schools? Illustration by Till Lauer Generative A.I. has made teachers increasingly distrustful of their students. “The rush to solve A.I. cheating and the myriad educational tools that have been developed and sold to schools across the country raise a tertiary, and far more interesting, question than whether or not the written word will survive,” Jay Caspian Kang writes in his new column. “When we think about students’ work, where do we draw the line between what has sprung out of their developing mind and what has not?” Read more » Fault Lines publishes every Friday. Late-Summer Sale in The New Yorker Store! Through Labor Day, enjoy 20% off most items. Browse the store » Culture Dept. The Front Row The Giddy Delights of “1941” Steven Spielberg gave free rein to his anarchic inner child in this Second World War comedy—and paid the price. By Richard Brody Fifty Days of Flash Fiction Flash Fiction “Break” If he wanted to make contact, why send me a picture? Why not a letter, a phone call? By Rabih Alameddine Fun & Games Dept. Mini Crossword A Bite-size Puzzle ♯, on a music score: five letters. By Mollie Cowger Daily Cartoon Friday, August 30th By Dan Misdea P.S. “Gaslighting” is mostly used to describe the misbehavior of a romantic partner. But, in Leslie Jamison’s deep dive on the word, she speaks with a psychoanalyst who thinks it’s more usefully applied to a different kind of relationship. “The power imbalance between parents and their children is intrinsically conducive to this form of manipulation,” Jamison writes. “If a child receives her version of reality from her parents, then she may feel that she has to consent to it as a way to insure that she continues to be loved and cared for.” 🔥 Today’s newsletter was written by Erin Neil. What did you think of today’s newsletter? Let us know. If you like the daily newsletter, browse more New Yorker newsletters. 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